Recently, and by that I mean a few hours ago, word has reached the ears of the news industry of a new threat to society - the Artificial Intelligence Apocalypse. The pointy finger of media
accusation is now saying this new technology will destroy all of human human civilization within a few years. We will all be dead. All of us. No exceptions.
One suggestion by the computer moguls to prevent this looming doomsday is to slow down the development of AI. If only we can stop for a quick breather until we figure what we are doing,
they say. This will save us.
But how? How are we going to slow the development of AI? Well, since no one has yet come forward with a marvelous plan to accomplish this feat, may I suggest a few ways to do just that:
1) Only work on AI on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This would seem like a no brainer to me. Non-robots showing up to work two days a week should be able to accomplish less than if they did the
full five-day work thing. Unless, and I shudder to think about this, we follow the Bernie Sanders work model of two 16-hour days as his recently introduced legislation to create 32-hour workweek demands. Then we really are doomed.
2) Only use really crappy computer keyboards at the AI factories. Let the non-robot peoples who are currently slaving away to create this grand masterpiece use government-spec keyboards
obtained from the lowest bidder. These keyboards will, obviously, have challenges to the users with hard-to-press keys, missing letters, loose tabs, and, of course, the new QWORYTL keyboard layout which will have them spending
the better half of a day looking for the capital letter M.
3) Have puppies running through the work area. Who doesn’t want to stop what they’re doing to pick up and pet cute little doggies? Only a monster, I’d say. Oh, and does
Little Poochie want a bite of my bologne sandwich? Huh? Of course you do. Huh, Little Poochie.
4) Drug testing non-robot developers throughout the day. Pull them off their swivel chairs and make them march down to the cafeteria to spit into tubes and roll up their sleeve for a blood
sample. Oh, and they have to go off to the bathroom for a quick urine sample. They would have to be tested because you know they have to be on drugs just to create the AI coding to do all the promised benefits of the AI disease
like hiring fewer employees and offering quicker turnaround times on paperwork.
5) Brownouts during the day at the AI factories. Since we’re now demanding that data centers provide their own green energy so as not to raise anyone else’s electric bill, we
ought to be doing the same thing to the birthplaces of AI. Let the lights go out in cubicle areas whenever the sun don’t shine or the wind don’t blow. Give Mother Nature a cut of the slowdown action. She will appreciate
it.
6) Unionize the non-robot workers who are writing AI. Finally, the pièce de résistance of AI slowdown development. Bring in some chair-hurling Teamsters looking for dues and in no time everyone will be on strike demanding more money, less work, and cuter puppies.
As a member of the general public, I would like to offer these simple ideas to help slow down AI development. Through creative daydreaming this important work can be accomplished. More talk,
less action is my motto.
by © Clyde James Aragon - All Rights Reserved
